OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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