It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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