My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
