All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I died a long time ago.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
