party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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