if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
