It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
