haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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