Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
