Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
