I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
