Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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