Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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