You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
