When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
