Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
