I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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