My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
