so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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