Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
