Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
