Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
