He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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