dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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