Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize