tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
