I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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