Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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