He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
