Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
