Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
