If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
