Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
