just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
