I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
