Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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