would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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