I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
