before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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