pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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