she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
