I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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