and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
