He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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