so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
