How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
