its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
