I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize