Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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