You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
