Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
