next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize