Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
