just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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