remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
