I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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