Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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