I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
