p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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