Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
