some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
pray to the hookup gods
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize