babies were throwing up all over the place
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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