i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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