THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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