doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
