Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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