Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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