There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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