hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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