I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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