those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
