he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
