Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
