woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
